It’s official: I’m a TV Personality

Or I will be on Monday, anyway.

KUSI, a “true independent television station” in San Diego, will have Esther Rothblum (a professor in my department, and the one whom I TA for) and I in for an interview about the New York times article this Monday. It’s expected to be pretty short, which is good because everything I’ve ever heard about fat activists being interviewed on mainstream news shows makes me a little nervous. It seems like every time a fat activist goes on the air- from that bit on Entertainment Tonight a while back with Vanessa Minillo to others in the past on radio and television - we hear back afterwards that it was pretty much fat ambush, with all of the questions focused on “the obesity epidemic” and how much the individual weighs and what their diet is like. My diet right now pretty much consists of spaghetti, ramen and macaroni and cheese - all food you can buy in bulk for pretty cheap, and not exactly the kind of stuff “healthy living” regimens consist of. I can just imagine the question:

Host: So Sheana, a lot people assume that fat people are fat just because they eat poorly, but you disagree. What kinds of foods do you usually eat?
Me: Well, last night I had macaroni. The night before I had spaghetti, and the night before that, spaghetti. Sometimes I’ll have ramen for lunch, or maybe spaghetti. Tonight for dinner, I’ll mix it up a little, maybe go with the spaghetti for once.
Host: …..?

What’s worse, because the people in my department are so very un-profane - not that I get the chance to hang out with them a lot, but when I do I generally don’t hear much foul language - I’ve eliminated most profanity from my everyday speaking, substituting words like “gosh” or “golly” or “Oh Lord!” I only wish I could be joking about that, but I’m not, and it’ll really ruin my indie cred if I start answering questions Monday morning with, “Well goodness, Dan…” or “Goodness gracious, Susan…”

Hopefully folks I know will tune in and text me if I start to get a little too saccharine… Yeah, that’s the plan. If I feel the phone vibrating in my pocket, I’ll throw in a few f-bombs, just to rough ‘em up a little, and conclude with discussing the reclamation of the word cunt. Verily, I shall be like the messenger angel, bringing the good news to the masses.

Okay, feminisms aside, my seven readers - by which I mean me, my wife and the five people who came here last week searching for “family feud” - should definitely check out the show this Monday, at 8:15, if for no other reason than for seeing yours truly squirm and make love (ooh, la la!) to the camera.