Gifts for the one you love

This will be my fourth Christmas with my partner; if you ask her opinion, she’ll tell you that last year, it was the year of the gifts, and this year? There can be no more gifts, because what on earth can you be expect to get someone who you have already been with for FOUR LONG YEARS? Nothing, I tell you.

Miraculously, after this very, very long almost-half-decade, I still have a few ideas kicking around that I think say, perfectly, “Happy First Christmas as my Wife.” Some ideas for gifts for the one you love?

Nothing really said first Christmas as newlyweds to me like the Jesus Christ action figure, except maybe the Pope Innocent III action figure. Tragically, since I know she’s already seen them - her last job sold all of the Accoutrements figurines - I also know that they don’t exactly say Merry Christmas to her.

Then I thought, hey, she’s a chemistry geek, so the natural next step was ThinkGeek but, alas, I can’t imagine her having many places to wear a solution shirt, and I imagine she’d probably want to burn it after the fourth or fifth time explaining the joke to me. Ninja launcher? Nah, she says her cubicle farm isn’t “that kind of office,” which really means “I would kill someone if they shot a plastic ninja into my cubicle.” A Wicked and visit some of the amazing fat girl boutiques we’ve heard of? Great in theory, but tickets are sold out until late February (at least - I sort of gave up around the 24th), and what is Christmas about if not instant gratification? Or something we’re both coveting - a Wii? I wish… that’s on the “gifts I’ll be able to afford by 2008″ list. An iPod shuffle, maybe - it’s the perfect combination of cute, cheap and practical, right? Despite the love stories I’ve read on some folks blogs, though, I just can’t get into those shuffles; every time I look at one I wonder whose brilliant idea it was to have an mp3 player that didn’t, you know, show you what mp3’s were playing.

I suppose I’ll have to wait for inspiration to strike; knowing me, though, it’ll end up “striking” in the form of a leg lamp and a copy of A Christmas Story, because that’s just about all the holiday gift tact I’ll be able to muster.