All the trimmings may, in fact, be the only thing we have.
Did you know it takes four to five days to thaw a twenty pound turkey in the refrigerator? Yes? WELL GEE, THANKS FOR TELLING ME. I’m a grad student, what do I know? Oh right, just how to be a Linda Williams fangirl. But as far as I know, none of what Williams has written tells you wtf you’re supposed to do if you run up against this dilemma twenty-six hours before you and your friends are supposed to have a big Thanksgiving dinner.
Here I should mention that I have discovered that you can thaw a turkey in cold water if it fits into your sink. DID I MENTION WE HAVE A VERY LARGE TURKEY?
Suffice to say, I will not be taking a bath here ever. ever. again.
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The criticisms of my students would serve as a good warning to visitors of Seeworthy: she talks too fast, she's too hard on us, she assigns too much work, and you have to be a dyke to get a good grade.
In other words, I'm a big, fat, queer, feminist meanie, and I am totally out to get you. Graaagh!
I’m not necessarily laughing at you, but I’m still kinda laughing.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh dear. Yes, this is a classic problem (BTDT myself). According to Alton Brown (of the “Good Eats” show on The Food Network), the quickest way to thaw something is with COLD RUNNING water. So if you can afford the water bill, stick the turkey in your tub (which, I think it sounds like you have done already), and turn the tap on it and keep the water RUNNING over the turkey. Turn it periodically to expose new surfaces to the running water. Seriously, though, changing the water often is crucial at this point, and running water is best.
Good luck!
(A lurker from the Fatosphere who happens to have an Alton Brown-obsessed husband)