Embracing the Preggo
Internets, can we talk about something? Because I feel like, as much as I identify as a rad(ical) fattie and a feminist, I am often harboring this weird mix of anti-pregnancy and anti-fat prejudice, and here’s what it revolves around: maternity clothes, and the merging of the maternity section and the fattie section at my local Target.
I’m not pregnant, and for most of my life as a fattie (at least while I’ve been fat enough to shop in plus-size sections) I have resisted shopping in the maternity sections of various stores. I’m not fat, I’d reason, and it was insulting to me that all plus-size clothes were often placed next to the maternity sections, as if all larger bodies were the same. My fat body was not shaped like a pregnant body, and if someone ever saw me wearing maternity clothes and asked when I was due, I’d have to tell them to go fuck themselves.
My partner does not share this opinion. Far from it, she reasons that if the clothes are cute, and they fit well, why does it matter what section they’re in? After all, I occasionally wear clothes from straight sizing sections, and I’ve worn clothes from men’s sections - and I’m neither a man nor a straight size. It’s something that I’ve begun to work through very recently, as my body shape has changed a bit - I believe it’s been mentioned elsewhere, but I think my main struggle is with shape prejudice, perhaps, and also prejudice against pregnancy (or being perceived as pregnant).
You might think in Women’s Studies that there was a natural acceptance of women choosing to reproduce, but I’ve found the opposite to be true; I’ve heard both faculty and students sneer derisively at women in the academy who choose to reproduce, heard them scoff at how these women weren’t really empowered, but were buying into a heterosexist patriarchy that told them they had to reproduce. I think, over the past couple of years (and even my last year or so at Smith, though I wasn’t in Women’s Studies), I’ve internalized these views - problematic in and of themselves, but when you add on the fact that C and I are talking about having our own kids in the near future, it makes me wonder how I’ll deal with this prejudice when I’m experiencing it from both sides.
It’s a difficult thing to own up to a prejudice and try to work through it, but I’m engaging in the process. Today when we were out for a fan (because, my god, do you people realize there’s a twenty degree temperature difference between San Diego and East County San Diego? BECAUSE EFFING-A THERE IS), looking for something appropriate to wear to graduation and grumbling about how the maternity section had completely swallowed the plus-size section, I saw a shirt I thought was adorable.
Yeah, you guessed it. According to the tag, it’s a maternity shirt by Liz Lange. Internal struggle! Body prejudice! Do I buy the shirt that I think is cute, and is available in my size, even though I’m clearly not (as far as I know) pregnant? Will people think I’m pregnant? What will the cashier think, when s/z/he sees me buying a maternity shirt and assumes (correctly) that I’m just plain ol’ fat?
Being as it’s summer and hot as hell, I bought it. It probably seems silly, agonizing over a shirt like that, and maybe most fat people don’t fret about the clothes they’ll buy, but where I shop and what I buy has been an issue for me ever since I was big enough to buy clothes in the plus-size stores. My warped body issues told me that this maternity shirt would look terrible on me and make me feel incredibly self-conscious. But internets? THIS IS NOT THE CASE.
Yeah, so I ended up totally adoring the maternity top. It fit me in all the right places, and holy crap, check out my rack!* As you can see in the picture, I clearly could not resist the checking-it-out impulse myself. The experience has been something of a lesson to me; the woman at the check-out counter didn’t give me any funny looks, nobody asked to touch my belly, and I felt more comfortable and at ease in it than I’ve felt in anything I’ve worn for a long time. I’m still working out my body issues, but I can safely say that I won’t hide from the maternity-mushed-into-plus-size section anymore, and I’m going to try to consciously work towards not feeling so weird about my apparently moderately-baby-bump-shaped body. If any other fatties have been having similar feelings about maternity clothes, my best advice, post-victory shopping, is this: try it on. If you hate it, don’t get it. But if you like the way it looks, don’t let your weird feelings keep you from looking totally awesome in your clothes.
Hmm. I should really have posted this to Fatshionista.
*Yeah, that’s pretty much the last time you’ll ever read/hear me say that.
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The criticisms of my students would serve as a good warning to visitors of Seeworthy: she talks too fast, she's too hard on us, she assigns too much work, and you have to be a dyke to get a good grade.
In other words, I'm a big, fat, queer, feminist meanie, and I am totally out to get you. Graaagh!
That shirt is the best example you could have put up. I think a lot of maternity clothing really only looks like maternity clothing if it happens to be on a pregnant body. Otherwise, they’re just clothes like any others.
You look great! Mostly, 32-P took the words right out of my mouth. Aside from the whole matter of clothes looking different on different bodies, I’m really glad you wrote this.
I have a serious apple shape and a terrible time finding pants, so I’ve been browsing polished-looking maternity jeans online and considering looking around in maternity sections. Still, I felt kind of weird about it, for many of the reasons you discussed.
I wondered if any other fatties took that route (though I have since seen Lesley sport some shirts and dresses from maternity departments on the fatshionista flickr group). Even though it shouldn’t matter, it does make me feel better to know that it’s a tried-and-true and not-so-weird strategy. Maybe now I can actually find pants that fit! Really, thank you for writing this.
Thanks to both of you! And Christina, I definitely suggest you try it. I’m not really an apple shape (or maybe I am? I never got the fruit thing).
I didn’t note it in the entry (I don’t think), but I’m guessing some maternity clothes are going to fit long-torso’ed women - I have kind of a freakishly long torso, and unlike most fat girl shirts, it’s actually long enough to cover my torso.
You are so right, you rock that top! It looks great. A lot of people look sallow in yellow (lol) but you don’t.
As for the “do I, don’t I?” maternity thing, I think I am with your partner. If you like it and like the way it fits then who cares what section it is from. That said, I can see the issue with people asking if you are in fact pregnant if a/they recognise the item of clothing as being from the maternity section or b/the piece of clothing draws attention to a fat tummy that could possibly be a pregnant tummy. I don’t have a problem with saying “No I am not pregnant, I am just fat” but I know a lot of fat women wouldn’t be able to say that to someone. When I was pregnant people just thought I had put on more weight, well that is until I got to about 7 months and looked like I was carrying triplets.
None of the maternity clothes sold in my area would fit me anyway. They all stop at a size 18. No one over a size 18 gets pregnant dincha know? I had to order my maternity clothes online.
You look really good. Better than the model in the picture itself actually.
I just happened upon your blog, and I *love* this post.
I feel that the prejudice against having children is one of the horrible things about The Academy. (Maybe is is prevalent in corporate America, too, I don’t know.) Sometimes it seems like Universities are just bigger versions of High School for the educated. Meaning that they miss the important stuff: our personal relationships. Your relationship with your girlfriend and your relationship with your (future) child has got to be more meaningful than your job. (yes?)
Also, you articulated the clothes issue extremely well. It has been a life long struggle for me to go from thinking:
“why doesn’t my body fit into these clothes”
to thinking
“these clothes were obviously not meant for my body”
With the emphasis being on that our clothes should be made for us rather than for our bodies to be made to fit into some clothes designer’s dream.
so yes, the shirt looks great. Way to Go!
Great post! I often see the same mix of attitude that you mentioned–anti-pregnancy and fattie shape bias–on different blogs around town. I can see why there are some situations where it really would be bad or uncomfortable to be mistaken for being pregnant (like the situation Aunt Fattie over at SP tackled a while back), but often/usually the writer seems to be really upset about the belly situation, more than anything else. “It makes me look pregnant” = “It draws attention to my fat belly.” No, your fat belly draws attention to your fat belly.
I definitely have enjoyed finding the occasional fat-tastic maternity item, especially in thrift stores, where there’s not a lot goin’ on in the plus sizes, but yes, tons of shit in maternity. Because obviously, those have a limited closet life in most women’s wardrobes.
Also, as in sizing in general, I have found there to be some flex: what’s a large in maternity may very well be a saucy 4X for me. I have one dress, a short-sleeved black cotton knit item, that started life, clearly, as a modest L/XL dress for a pregnant woman of average height and averagely pregnant rack. On me, at 5′10″ and a serious Rack of Doom (48DDD), the dress miraculously lost some length and got snug around the bazooms, leaving me with a mini-dress or tunic that totally rocked! I once wore that to a sex club with my customary garter straps and striped stockings flashing underneath, patent-leather high-heel Mary Janes, and my hair up in pigtails, and believe you me: no one was under the mistaken impression that I was pregnant.
bigmovesbabe said:
No, your fat belly draws attention to your fat belly.
I think I love you. This is a truth I’m getting used to, and yeah, I think it might be harder to have a short torso and a big round belly than to have hourglass proportions sized up. Almost every plus-size size chart assumes a big waist-hip differential, for starters.
I try to remind myself that finding clothing that fits sucks for everyone, thin and fat and of all shapes, but it’s hard when even the stores catering to “my people” limit me to empire-waist knit dresses. I love those dresses with a passion, don’t get me wrong, but I’d like to have a pair of pants too.
Sheana, the fruit thing is pretty goofy, but it’s descriptive: I have big boobs, back chub, and a big round belly (two, actually; what fj recently called the “double bubble”) on a short torso. I don’t have long-torso issues, but I do like to have shirts end in the middle of a trouser’s inseam, and straight sizes often ride up too much in front. Thank you again for the — I don’t know, permission, to shop in the maternity section!
And by the middle of the inseam, I mean at the mid-point between the waist and the crotch. It’s early.
That shirt looks great on you!
I wish that I could get past the maternity stigma. I have PCOS, which makes me the perfect apple shape for maternity clothes, but I’m also infertile. I am not yet to a point where I could go to a maternity section without my baggage, the idea that I could shop there if I had a reason. Does that make sense? I am absolutely aware that this is my own problem, though, and maybe one day I’ll be able to get past it.
This is a really interesting post. I think you are right about pressures in certain feminist circles not to reproduce; then two other factors for me are that: 1) I’ve never really wanted kids, and the pressure out in society to have kids from pretty much all quarters has at times made me lash out (figuratively) at and rebel against all things kid-related, therefore maternity sections, toy stores, etc. could be objects of my derision. 2) A lot of maternity clothes in times past have been very infantilizing. I can see having a knee-jerk revulsion to shirts with big floppy bows, teddy bears, etc. etc. that make pregnant women feel like babies themselves.
That said, these days I am more likely to be frustrated that the maternity clothes (esp. at Target) are actually cuter than the plus-size clothes (and as you say, in Target they bleed right into the plus section so you can hardly avoid seeing them). And you bet that I have bought clothes in that section. I sort of feel like if you have a bigger tummy, like I do, the fit is pretty good. And especially with the fashions over the last couple of years tending toward swing tops and clothes that look a little more like maternity anyway–I have previously said that my SIL is lucky to be pregnant right now because she can probably get away with cheap stuff from the regular sections for several months–IMO they don’t look out of place at all. That top looks great on you. I previously considered buying the same one (similar tops in the straight-size section were in ugly colors or had weird embellishments or whatever) and maybe I’ll go back and get it now that I see how cute it looks!
Anyway, interesting post.
See, I actually am pregnant, and I’m actually buying maternity clothes this time rather than mostly relying on oversize t-shirts to see me through. The thing I’ve noticed? “Maternity” just means that there is more fabric in the front of the shirt than the back. Whodathunk that women would need more fabric in front than in the back if they weren’t pregnant? I mean, it’s not like we have breasts or anything!
Also, as was said, the shirts are longer, so if you actually like long shirts, they’re great anyway.
And empire waists. That’s the other thing they do. Since empire waists have been a big thing recently, why not buy it out of maternity? The sizes are a big larger to accommodate the fact that most women don’t just gain the 10 lbs that is baby and placenta. That way, if you were a small prepregnancy, you don’t have to move up to a medium in pregnancy just because your butt got bigger, cause it totally does.
First off, I’ve got to say that I’ve got a 2 month old, so I was, until very recently, a prime candidate for maternity clothing. And let me just say that, in terms of Target, I was often doing the reverse of what you mention–that is, looking in the plus size to see if there was anything to wear. Because see, the interesting thing about Target’s maternity line, is that it presumes that you wear no more than about a 16 pre-pregnancy, and so if, say, you’re more of an 18/20, your choices are rather limited. The same goes for just about every maternity store (including Motherhood, which has plus sizes in *some* of its locations, but their clothing tends to be smashed in a small space in the back and mostly geared for weekend-wear, presuming, I suppose, that none of us plus sized moms actually work outside the home).
So, I’ve got a whole feminist rant about that, obviously.
But as for what you mention–shopping in the maternity section when you’re not pregnant, I say, why the hell not? I mean, especially given that, if you’re plus sized, you wouldn’t be able to buy Target’s maternity because most of it’s sized too small (which to me means it’s not actually maternity wear at all for most of us, despite what the sign may say.)
If going to the register with it bothers you, say something to the woman at checkout about how hard it is to shop for pregnant friends because you just don’t know anything about maternity clothes. If it freaks you out to wear maternity, cut off the tags when you get home.
The first rule of clothing should be, screw the tags; if it looks good, wear it.
Great post, and great comments. I accidentally picked up a maternity dress once, and it wasn’t until I got it home that I realized. But you know, it fit. Still, I haven’t shopped in maternity on purpose; guess I have the same “stuff” about it as you do, and didn’t even know. Thanks for the illumination.
I was reading some of the comments to my hubby, and he said, “It’s interesting that there’s a whole industry built around making clothes with more material for the breeders, but not for the plus-size women.” (We’re childless by choice, in case you were wondering.) And that’s true–it’s socially acceptable to be pregnant-fat but not fat-fat, which is a really ridiculous hair to be splitting considering, as Bookwyrm pointed out, that they’re just making clothes with more fabric in front. I suppose they make the distinction between departments because the pregnant ladies might be as embarrassed to be buying in the plus-size dept. as the fat ladies are to be buying in the maternity dept.
Wow, I can see the topic is one a lot of people are grappling with! Thanks everyone for the great comments - this is a fantastic discussion.
Miriam, you know, that’s actually something I mentioned to my partner - if I’m already fitting into maternity clothes, what the hell am I supposed to do if (when?) I’m actually pregnant? Granted, I know there are some places that have plus-size maternity clothes, but in the more affordable places (namely: Target, my sweet, sweet Target), the maternity sizes don’t seem to go above a very-ambiguous “2x”. Hm. Methinks we need to encourage more fatties to get into fashion design, stat.
Yep, if you can count on maternity clothes for anything, its to accentuate the rack. I’ve started thinking of it as the “OMG! boobies! I have boobies!” section at Old Navy.
At 8 1/2 months, I’m outgrowing even most of my maternity stuff- trousers are a long-ago dream and the only clothes that fit are my plus-size (non-mat.) elastic waist skirts in which it doesn’t matter that my natural waist is not only shifting out, but up.
Adorable! I’m so jealous that you can wear yellow (I look like I’ve got some sort of terminal illness when I have it).
I love that you have addressed this topic - buying in the maternity section is also something I have considered. I carry my weight in my gut and am not infrequently mistaken for pregnant. Might as well wear the clothes that fit the gut!
I have a friend in academia (pusuing her PhD) who was really taken aback by the anti-”breeder” mentality, especially among her female profs, while she is raising her little one who is the same age as mine (3+ now). The way things are set up in most work settings in the U.S., not having a family means you are expected to work extra hard and stay late (as you have no excuse not to) and if you have a family, and you don’t work extra hard and stay late (especially if you are a woman) you don’t advance. I’m off the fast track of late, which was unfortunate as I finished my Masters Degree and found out I was pregnant at pretty much the same moment. So I need to be in a bit of a holding pattern, career-wise. Which is sort of fair, considering how things work, but they could be different, and people with or without families are entitled to full, balanced lives outside of work.
And with regard to the maternity clothes, one thing I always long for, even though my torso isn’t very long, is shirts that go over my hips. Not to “cover up” but because it’s a look I’m trying to cultivate. I recently found a top of the perfect length and drape (2X) and it could be a maternity top, I’m sure.
And why is it essential to know if a woman is pregnant or not at any given moment? My guess is that pregnant women are supposed to get a break from being objectified, but any other woman of “child-bearing age” is a valid object of, uh, objectification, catcalls, etc. Hence the maternity clothes that are marked as such with bows and teddy bears.
There’s a lot to chew on here, great comments and provocative post.
Sheana, when I was around seven months pregnant, I went looking for a winter coat. The largest maternity coat they had at Target (an XL) wouldn’t do, as it fit right then but I could tell that it wouldn’t in a month. I couldn’t find any coat or jacket that fit in Motherhood at all.
Now, I’m nursing, and so I wanted a few stretchy tops with a crossover style made of something that wouldn’t stain when milk dropped on it. So I went to Mimi’s Maternity and bypassed the nursingwear in favor of the clearance maternity rack. I got three shirts in size L that are just what I was looking for (and which my husband thought were pretty hot). I might have even managed a medium (but I had the baby with me so was not in a real “try them all on” mood). They were each $14. Of course, when I was pregnant, I could sometimes wear an XL at Mimi’s if it was very stretchy (like the XL velour skirt and the XL lycra wide-legged, elastic waist pants I bought there, both of which I’m still wearing). But most of the store was too small for my pregnant 18/20 bod.
So, again, I’d say it’s not a maternity store if, while pregnant, you couldn’t fit into the clothing. Might as well see it as mislabeled.
But if you’re fat and pregnant, you’re pretty much going to end up looking online for clothing, because, just as a thinner woman can’t just buy clothing two sizes up and look reasonable, a fat woman can’t either. Invariably, up-sized clothing has the wrong proportions (for instance, I couldn’t just wear larger plus-sized pants as my butt, while being substantial, is not that big.)
I ended up wearing skirts with very stretchy size 22 leggings most of the pregnancy.
I’m thin, and I still have a bit of an ambivalence about maternity clothes which the current empire-waisted fashions are triggering. Possibly because I don’t intend to have kids (I like kids, but I don’t think I’d be good at raising one, plus there are a lot of mental-health issues in my family); possibly because I loathe having to explain things, any kind of thing, to people I don’t know well (evidently semi-anonymous internet discussions are an exception), so I dread anything that might trigger personal questions from others.